April Fools 2020: An Apology.

For last year’s April Fools article, click here

The melancholy of a one-way return.

Week 1 of government-mandated quarantine.

As some of you may know, due to the Covid-19 situation happening… well, basically everywhere, I decided to return back home to Singapore for that extra peace of mind. And of course, being fresh off the plane meant that I was required to self-isolate for a fortnight, so I had a lot of time to my own thoughts, to self-reflect and meditate on my journey, my aspirations and my shortcomings.

And in the time I spent in self-reflection, I had an epiphany. I had hurt so many people, committed so many cardinal sins, some would say that I have destroyed lives. And it happens… every time I say something bad about a product.

I had realised a grand truth: I wasn’t writing reviews for the audiophiles looking to buy something, or the ones who are on the fence on whether or not to purchase that new toy. No, I realised that I was writing reviews for exisiting owners of the product I was reviewing, and so my words dealt a much more personal blow to my readers.

After all, everyone knows that “you are what you eat”. And so by extension, “you are what you buy”. So it only made sense that whenever I criticised a product, I was in turn criticising the buyers as a person, insulting their very being.

Oh how blind could I have been, not realising the bitter truth I had subconsiously avoided for years. I never realised how much negativity and toxicity I was contributing to the hobby by highlighting the flaws of the IEMs I reviewed. The people I’ve hurt by calling a product “generic”, and in turn, calling them the same.

I cannot undo the damage that I’ve caused, and that shall be the biggest regret that will follow me to my deathbed. But I hope that you all can accept my apology, which is a list about as long as my ranking list.

Ahem.

And of course, my greatest transgression:

  • I’m sorry for making my website tagline “if it’s not on the list, it doesn’t exist”, even though it’s clear that not literally every single piece of audio equipment in existence is on my ranking list(s).

So... what now?

Rejoice, for the time for change is upon us.

Self-reflection and apologies  are nothing without corrective action. As this website has been steeped in hatred and negativity for years, brewing ill-will and toxicity within the minds of innocent audiophiles, it’s only natural that we address the problem. In essence, In-Ear Fidelity will never say a bad thing about any product ever again.

That’s right, positive vibes only.

I have heard your pleas, IEM owners of the world. I have seen your pitchforks and torches, and now humbly request a ceasefire. For now I shall ensure that every article I write shall be in your service, to make you feel good about the purchases that you’ve already made. The criticisms shall be tampered and deleted, the praises multiplied and shouted to the high heavens, and everything will be recommended as a “must-buy”. A true utopia where everything is great, amazing and worthy of the grandest exaggerations.

After tomorrow, history shall be made. After tomorrow, the following things will happen:

  • All negative language in previous reviews will be struck off and replaced from a list of pre-approved descriptors.
    • Such descriptors include but are not limited to: great, amazing, wonderful, emotional, transcendent, perfect, flawless, best, giant killer, value-for-money.
  • The ranking list will only have 1 rank now: S tier. That’s right, now everything is S tier!
  • All future buyer’s guides will now feature every IEM. I’m not sure how I’ll fit hundreds of entries into a single page, but we’ll figure it out when we get there.
  • All measurements will hereby be removed from the website. Measurements expose flaws, and we can’t have that here.
  • Buy everything I tell you to buy! On a completely unrelated note, I’ll be using affiliate links from now on.

And to celebrate In-Ear Fidelity’s newest metamorphosis, it’s only natural that the name be changed, alongside that hideously inaccurate tagline. A new tagline that brings ease to the insecure, and a new name worthy of the website’s new ideals:

Brings a tear to my eye. What a beautiful start to April.

Support me on Patreon to get access to tentative ranks, the exclusive “Clubhouse” Discord server and/or access to the Premium Graph Comparison Tool! My usual thanks to all my current supporters and shoutouts to my big money boys:

“McMadface”
“Desertscrub”
“Galactus”
Kurt
Man Ho
Denis
Nicholas
Alexander
Andrew
Ted
chisquare
Rene

Just like every IEM out there, you’re all amazing.

24 thoughts on “April Fools 2020: An Apology.”

  1. Yolo, that’s awesome. From now on I will also listen to everyone and buy everything they recomend even if they are (not) getting paid to do so. And yes I no longer think that $100+ cables do nothing to the sound, infact I have been enlightened and I know that is Jesus singing into my ears with nightingales from heaven when I get a EA or a PS cable and other sweetly priced silver things that audio waves run through. Oh and I will burn in my AC as well to make sure that the air that comes out of it has a beautiful effect on the audio waves passing through my body to my ears.

  2. I believed, no, I KNEW the Delta Airlines Complementary Headphones were *just as good* as the Sony IER-Z1R! Finally: vindication!

    1. Yez, it is the pinnacle of Audiophilia 😎🎶🎶

      It took us guys in the shady hanger back office 20 years to get that frequency range perfect! Finally: Recognition.

      1. Just because we were deaf, they said we couldn’t we couldn’t make an IEM! I don’t know where we would be without your ceaseless efforts and the baboon shenanigans back in the summer of ’04. Good times.

        Don’t forget our next project – a Delta Airlines Flight Simulator written entirely by blind codes with vertigo – starts tomorrow!

  3. I dunno guy. It’s your opinion. I mean I recently bought the Blessing 2 based off of many opinions, including your take on the blessing (the first one). I would disagree about that hybrid being an all- rounder, but I thought your article really gave some of the best rounded impressions of what to expect.

    I used to beef with this Diva/Gawd-of-Review (Bruuks’ Daw was his name iirc), not because of his in depth review, but because of his inflated and condescending ego. I called him out on it. What a cheerleader diva.

    You remember Joker? Yeah, that dude was the shit (the really good kind). He was able declare the really nice aspects of the iem, and still balance his subjective taste. You guys have more in common.

    Nothing wrong with influencing people. We can shut it off.

    Final example? I happen to truly enjoy the LZ-A4. I believe you don’t (I believe you called it an flc8s). The A4 is flattery at worst/ best compared to the 8s, but they tuned quite differently altogether. That’s ok. I still like your work. I’ll be in touch. Stay well.

  4. I sure hope it’s an April fool’s prank! I own iems that you thrashed, and iems that you liked, and iems you didn’t even consider. I know what I like, what I don’t like, I never feel offended by a review that disagrees with my personal taste, in fact I take reviews always with one (ore maybe two) grains of salt. I’ve learned over time who of the many reviewers I can trust more and have a taste closer to mine, and those I do absolutely not trust at all (I won’t mention names). So please, keep doing your work as you have so far, don’t hold back on your impressions because they might displease some users. Unless you use offensive wording, which I don’t think you do, just express your honest, albeit personal, opinion, and we’ll all be fine with that. At least I know I am. Keep up the good work, thanks!

  5. KNZ Sound flux are the only IEM’s I’ve listened to. What have I not heard? It almost took me until 12 noon to read the empathetic apologies. That was some funny shit.

  6. Thanks for saying all those negative things! Somebody needs to do it, and who better than somebody who can write so that I can form an actual impression of the thing reviewed, and can back things up with measurements.

  7. Do not worry.
    Audio reviewers are generally clowns on some payroll. I do not think I ever red you but if I did I have clearly valued you as any of the clowns I met in that Headfi sewer or any poor boy bad reviewer kind of video. And I met some.
    This said you better change life an cheer up. Find a good mind health specialist. Take an antidepressant, keep it for a year minimum and stay clear from socials and audio review stuff.
    Peace

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